Becoming the Best Version of You: A Practical Approach

Building Lasting Change with Habits, Not Willpower

You know the saying, "Just do it." Of course, you do; it's famous. This is actually a wonderful way to approach making changes in your life. 

Today, I’m talking about how to create real change in your life. Fifteen years ago, pretty much everything about my behaviors related to food, exercise, socializing, and work were completely different. So, clearly, you don’t make a change overnight. But how do you do it? 

As a trained cognitive-behavioral psychologist, I firmly believe that I can help you change just about anything that’s upsetting you by working through your thoughts. But if you only think about something and don’t take the actions needed to solidify the change, it won’t happen. Today, we’re going to talk about creating new habits that won’t fade. 

One of the concepts that’s often discussed is becoming “1% better.” While I’m totally into continuous improvement at work, in one’s personal life, and in every domain, I think “1% better” implies you’re not good enough right now. Personally, I think it’s more helpful to use behavioral change continuously get incrementally closer to reaching your goals. 

Usually, when I had people reporting to me, I’d ask them about their career goals. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? 20 years? Not the specific job, but what do you want? Maybe it’s working in another country or being on the board of a big organization. Whatever it is, how can you start working toward it now? Because if you look too far ahead, you won’t take action. Think about one thing you really want to do, something that’s been nagging at you. Take a moment to pause and think about it. 

Now that you’re back, I’ll share an example of a change I made in my life. Because this video is public, I prefer not to get too personal. But I don’t mind sharing about working out since it’s something that most people try to improve on in their own way. So, while I’m using working out as an example, think about your specific goal and apply my examples to it. 

At age 39, I promised myself I’d start working out at age 40. I hadn’t exercised since high school, so this was a big commitment. I was determined not to break the promise. That’s the first lesson: when you make a promise to yourself, keep it. Breaking promises to yourself makes it easier to break them in the future, eroding your self-trust. I would never break a promise to myself – but that doesn’t mean I didn’t procrastinate! I was just a week away from turning 41 when I finally went to my first class. When you decide to do something, just do it. Don’t break a promise to yourself. You have to be accountable to you. 

When I said I would start working out, I didn’t mean just once—I meant that I would continue to pursue better health as a lifelong goal. I realized that the key to real change was setting a minimum goal. For me, that meant working out at least twice a week. It was the minimal amount I needed to feel I was making progress. This wasn’t about signing up for something twice a week and forgetting about it. I had to figure out what worked for me, including the type of classes and the schedule that fit my life. 

This leads me to the next important point: don’t rely on motivation. Motivation is fleeting. Instead, rely on a schedule and a promise to yourself. I’m not always motivated to wake up early and work out, but afterward, I’m always glad I did. Having a set time and a class to go to kept me on track. 

When you’re building a routine, try not to make any exceptions for the first three months. This helps solidify the habit. These days, I usually work out more than twice a week, but I keep my promise to myself to work out at least twice, no matter what. 

As I’m talking about this, I can think of areas where I still want to improve. We all have room to grow. For me, making these videos has been challenging, mostly because I don’t have a clear schedule for them yet. So, just like with working out, I need to commit to a regular time for these videos. Pick something in your life that you’ve been putting off, make a schedule, and start. That’s it. Just do it.